Hotdog Daw?

Isang overheard funny story sa Radio Broadcast Elementary Filipino competition sa 2013 National Schools Press Conference (NSPC) sa Ormoc City.

Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng contest ng mga estudyante ko sa radio broadcasting (hindi po ako full-time teacher, puma-part time lang na lecturer sa campus journalism), lumapit sila sa akin at ikwinento ang mga samu’t saring kaganapan sa closed-door contest para sa radio broadcasting.

Eventually, nagkaroon daw ng critiquing pagkatapos mag-perform ng lahat ng mga broadcasting teams na kumatawan sa kanilang mga rehiyon. Siyempre, sinabi ng judge ang mga good at bad points sa performances ng mga kalahok. Pero hindi nakaligtas sa hurado ang broadcast performance ng isang region. Iba kasi ang touch of creativity.

Ganito raw ang sabi ng news anchor matapos ang kanilang time check, gamit ang pinakaswabe niyang boses:

“Ang paalalang ito ay hatid sa inyo ng Pury Hotdog.
Mas pinasarap!
Mas pinalaki!
At mas pinahaba!
Ang hotdog na madulas sa lalamunan…
… sa ULO ng mga balita!”

Paulit-ulit iyong ikwinento sa akin ng mga bata ko na sabik na sabik makarinig ng green-minded na jokes. Pero totoo nga naman. Naimbyerna raw ang judge sa parteng iyon ng critiquing. Imagine, mga elementary students na ganoon ang banat sa radio broadcast production na dapat ay child-friendly? Maling-mali. Tsk tsk.

Sabi nga ng hurado, “Sa coach na nagturo sa mga batang ito, ewan ko na lang sa’yo!”

The Gay Stuff

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Just an ordinary day, just another ordinary hobby. As usual, my eyes were glued on Facebook. And not surprisingly, I was just waiting for a goddamn interesting miracle to occur.

Well, if you can consider Facebook chatting with someone I do not know “interesting”, then be it. But it’s very far from a “miracle” in heaven’s sake. The thing is, the new online friend and I started engaging in a light conversation right after I confirmed his friend request. We talked about some get-to-know-each-other stuffs, and after a short while, he asked me about my lovelife (of all things!).

(Note: The guy is also a campus journalist. We haven’t met, but I found out that we had both been in Palawan and Leyte for a campus journalism confab.)

“No, no girlfriend.” Peculiar, I guess, for a person of the same sex to ask me immediately about my love life. Well, maybe he was after some brotherly conversation or something.

“Oh. Why?” was his response. Of course, how can’t I predict that? I would have to explain myself nonetheless.

“Not interested as of the moment. Maybe I’m homosexual. Hahahaha!” Sure enough, that was a joke.

I added, “But seriously, I did not have special feelings for any of my classmates way back in high school.” Oops, that was a lie!

His answer, as if I was surprised, was another question. “Are you gay?”

Heaven’s sake! That was my way of showing sense of humor. Do I not have that? In defense, my answer was “No. Hahahaha. I’m gonna try out my luck in college, but evidently no opportunities in the romance department right now.”

“Ahhh,” he replied. Just like “OK”, it was one of the awkward ways to end the conversation. But since I follow the rule of thumb, I had to throw back the question (or else, it will be as if I’m the only interesting person, which was half-true). I asked, “How about you? In a relationship right now?”

“Yeah.” Cool, now that I’m tired of talking, he can now boast about whatever relationship he has. That was just a quick thought unfortunately, because the thought evaporated right after he said “Can we be in a relationship even if I’m gay?”

Oops! I did not see that coming. Instead of answering immediately, I scanned his Facebook photos again. He looks straight, no signs of homosexuality. I was confused for a minute. You told me you have a girlfriend?!

I pretended not to notice the awkward question and said, “Just tell me about your girlfriend. How long have you been together?”

He was playing the same game and pretended not to notice my question. In fact, he just repeated his offer. “Can we be in a relationship even if I’m gay?”

Since it seemed that I needed to notice the pink elephant in the room, I interrogated the confessing chatmate. “You’re gay? I thought you were in a heterosexual relationship?”

“That was a lie. I have no girlfriend. Never in my life did I have a relationship with anyone”.

Practically, the story ends there. We still continued the conversation, but the conversation turned offbeat. The whole time, he persuaded me to be in a relationship with him. I, on the other hand, proved to him how it was goddamn impossible.

So, what’s my point of blogging such conversation here? I have my points, and here they are.

First, I was quite surprised that someone from the Internet will confess his homosexual tendencies to someone he barely knows. Of course I considered the idea that he was just playing a trick on me, but after I weighed the whole dialogue, lying was the least of my concern. On the other hand, I also thought that the person I was chatting with should be thankful for I am not an asshole. You see, the 14-year old guy told me he was still hiding inside the closet, and if I were an asshole, I could have had “print-screen-ed” our conversation and post it on his Facebook wall and let him suffer the consequences of trusting an online acquaintance. I would have taught him a lesson in life – and that is, that the world is cruel. But I did have a heart so the idea was so impossible for me to do.

Second, I was quite bothered that someone will ask for a relationship through chat, or that someone will ask for an online relationship. The boy was 14, so young and careless. Since he probably earned an instant friend from me, I told him how useless an online relationship is. A relationship with someone near him is truly much better. Unluckily, he did not chew my suggestion and kept pushing the idea of having a relationship with me.

And lastly, I was flattered to the googolplex power! I mean, had I been more attractive lately? Or was my Facebook profile picture more deceiving than it usually was? Whatever the answer was, it was what I just exactly needed – confidence boost.

Well, I was just a little bothered. The lad was so insistent about his offer, and while I am so sure to reject the demand, I am disturbed by one of his statements. He said he just “wanted to be loved and be taken seriously”. The poor guy is in his stage of adolescence and is confused of what to do. I just hope that the next person he asks is as understanding as I am (not someone who will pester his homosexuality and share it to the whole wide world). And since he told me it wasn’t his first time to “offer someone”, I wish that the next person he proposes with acknowledge his demand so that he finds out how it feels to love and be loved (and to be hurt as well).

 

Memory Gap

(Note: Isinulat ko ‘to a week after what I had written had happened. ‘Yung panahon na galit talaga ako. Hindi na ganoon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kaso lintik si WordPress. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nai-post ‘to nang ganito kaaga. Inayos ko naman ang schedule. Mga August ko pa sana ito ipo-post para ‘reminiscing’ na lang ang peg. Tsk tsk. Gusto ko sanang burahin pero nagandahan din ako sa isinulat ko. Punong-puno ng emosyon. )

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Hindi naman talaga ako ang nakalimot. Ikaw.

Kinalimutan mo ako sa mismong araw na dapat mo akong matandaan. Pero hindi lang naman isang araw ang katumbas ng pagkalimot mo. Ang isang oras mong pahayag – aminin mo man o hindi – ay katumbas ng iyong paglalakbay, na akala ko, ako ay kabilang. Ang pahayag mong iyon ay salamin ng iyong damdamin – kung sino ang iyong pinahalagahan at kung sino ang dumaan lang sa iyong buhay. May karapatan akong umasa, dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na higit pa tayo sa magkakilala. Kilala natin ang isa’t isa.

Doon ako nagkamali. Sa hindi na mabilang na pagkakataon, sa ginawa mong iyon, pinatunayan mong hindi naman pala talaga kita kilala. Wala ka naman talagang puso.

Hindi ko kailanman tatanggapin ang paliwanag mo na nawala lang ako bigla sa isip mo, o nalagpasan. Sa lahat ng taong pwedeng maglaho ng parang bula sa isip mo, hindi ako iyon. Para akong chewing gum na nakadikit sa utak mong kasingtigas ng semento. Alam kong sinadya mong hindi banggitin ang pangalan ko. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit. Iyon ang naging palaisipan sa akin. Bakit?

Akala ko kasi magkaibigan tayo. Hindi pala. Isang oras kang nakatayo doon; isang oras kang naglitanya sa walang kwenta mong talumpati na pinagtawanan lang ng madla. At ang pangalan ko – na katumbas lamang ng isang pantig – ay wala pang isang segundo. Inalala mo ang lahat maliban sa akin. Isang segundo. Iyon ang pinagkait mo sa akin.

Kaya huwag ka nang magtaka kung bakit hindi na ako nangangamusta. O kung bakit wala na akong pakialam. O kung bakit hindi na tulad ng dati. Dahil ikaw na mismo ang nagparamdam na hindi naman ako importante. Ano ba naman sa iyo ang hinaing ko? Katulad ka lang naman ng walang emosyong likido na nakikisabay sa agos.

Pero mantakin mo, kabilang ka na naman dito. Pinili kong makalimot pero sinayang ko na naman ang espasyong ito para sa iyo. Lintik ka para makalimot; tanga ako para mag-abala pa at makaalala.